After painstaking hours of field research and an intensive period of experimentation, I have developed one of my first-ever community service projects. I call it SICS. If you bear with me for a moment, I believe that you too will discover the joys and magic of SICS.

SICS, or the Standard Internet Comprehensibility Scale, is an efficient, logarithmic scale that can determine and label the 'readability,' shall we say, of any given Internet forum post. It begins at 1, the worst possible score, with each progressive number describing a leap in the post's comprehensibility by a power of ten. After reading and labeling at least ten random Internet posts of any given user, it is possible to give him an 'Average Comprehensibility Tag,' or ACT. The ACT is simply the average of a person's post's ICNs, or Internet Comprehensibility Numbers. This may get confusing, so I'll give you an example. Below are the ICNs 1 through 10, with (as I said before) 10 being the best and 1 being the worst:

10) Hey guys, let's all go to the party tonight! --As you can see, this post uses proper grammar, punctuation and spelling. It is also short and easy to read. Be warned, the next posts will only get worse.

9) Hey guys let's all go to the party tonight! --Still readable, though a comma has been omitted.

8) hey guys let's all go to the party tonight! --The 'H' is no longer capitalized. It loses comprehensibility, though not by much.

7) hey guys let's all go to the party tonight --I can no longer tell where the sentence begins or ends. This is beginning to resemble the majority of Internet forum posts.

6) hey guys lets all go to the party tonight --The writer has now omitted the apostrophe in the interest of saving time. He will soon begin to abbreviate...

5) hey guys lets all go to the prty tonight --Ouch. An improvised abbreviation of the word 'arty.' Ask yourself, Are you really saving time by removing that 'a'?

4) hey guys lets all go to the prty 2nite --Now he's using letters. As you can see, descenting below a six on the SICS is a sure sign that you're losing comprehensibility.

3) hey guys lets all g2 the prty 2nite --By combining the words 'go' and 'to,' I can no longer tell whether he intends to say 'go to,' 'got to' or 'get to.' All are commonly used on the Internet. This sentence suffers from severe comprehensibility issues.

2) hey guys lets all g2 da prty 2nite --'Da' is not a word.

1) hey guys all g2 da prty 2nite -- By removing the "lets," I am no longer positive whether this post is phrased as a question, suggestion, or command. It has lost any and all semblances of comprehensibility it once had.

Unfortunately, most internet posts rate as a six and under in the SICS. By assigning posts with ICs and users with ACTs, we can warn others of low-comprehensibility users while at the same time raising ourselves above the Internet standard. I now ask you of one boon: to add a link in your DeviantArt signature to this journal, adjacent to this question: "What's your ACT on the SICS? Click to find out."

And that, my friends, is possibly my greatest contribution to the Internet of all time.